Recently I’ve started thinking of my feelings as emotional baggage, looking further into that classic baggage metaphor. I used to believe emotional baggage was permanent, whatever you went through once you carried with you to every relationship, every new undertaking, until you were inevitably buried in the Earth alongside everything you've ever felt.
Now, I know it’s possible to Marie Kondo your brain. It's not as easy as pulling everything out of your closet, holding each item in your hand and deciding whether or not it belongs in a donation pile, but it's not as complicated as we make it out to be either.
Instead of reaching for new feelings and experiences and sources of fulfillment to pull our heads above the ever-accumulating negative thoughts and fears, we need to address them head on. Metaphorically, we need to hold each feeling in our hands, decide whether or not it is serving us in any way and either keep it safe in our minds to take out and look at all the time or release it from the cage we've put it in.
For a long time I thought I was addressing my mental health and wellbeing; but it turns out I was just running from my own brain. I would deep dive into new hobbies or work or activities to distract myself from the icky feelings that were ever growing inside of me. Usually, I would then realize I never cared that much about those new hobbies to begin with. Worse, I would pin all my fears onto romantic partners. If I couldn't fix something myself, I could just project the life I wanted onto someone else and hope they could make it happen for me (Turns out, this does not work and that actually addressing your shit is not fun or easy to find words for. In short, it's not something anyone else can do for you.).
There's no exact science on how to do this but the way I've begun to goes something like this.
The first step is to stop giving my thoughts too much power over me. Just because I'm feeling something does not mean I have to act on it or let it control me, but it does mean that I need to acknowledge that it's there and decide what I want to do with it, that's step two.
Then, I need to ask myself where that feeling is stemming from. Is it insecurity? Fear? Disruptive feelings are symptoms of a larger problem and tracing that problem to its root is the only way to cut it down and prevent it from growing back. This often involves finally acknowledging trauma you told yourself to forget long ago or acknowledging that some crazy experience you tell as a jokey story actually deeply affected you. That does not feel good! Generally, I have a difficult time processing my feelings internally (some people are really good at this). Sometimes journaling helps, but also having conversations with people I trust (friends, therapists, etc) is usually the most helpful. This is an important time to say that simply handing off your emotional baggage for someone else to take care of is never an okay thing to do. (Read: dumping.)
Saying fears and problems out loud is an incredible way of taking their power. It feels like when you're scared and hiding in the dark and finally the lights come on, things often aren't as bad as you thought.
The final step is slowly chipping away at the thing you're carrying around. Sometimes it’s an easy fix, but most of the time it does require some hard work. Everyday I have to look at my actions and break patterns that I've created by indulging toxic and negative emotions. I need to remind myself that mistakes will be made and that I am in control of my own life. I can rewire my brain and I can learn to separate myself from the things I have carried for far too long.
Today is a great day to get out of your own way, shed some of that baggage and begin walking through life without lugging around all of the things that hurt you.
Madelyn Winchester (she/hers) is a contributing writer for Story Girl Magazine. In her spare time, Maddy loves gardening, cooking vegetarian recipes, and taking baths. (insta: maddywin)
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